don't go alone


There’s nothing like a jumpsuit. Wearing an outfit made from only one piece gives such a pulled-together, fluid look. But you have the added benefit of trousers, radiating independence and ease. Ding ding ding! Finally, a solution to the conundrum of the smart casual dress code. Passersby in the street are emboldened to compliment me if I’m wearing a jumpsuit. The only other thing that makes people do that is having a dog with you. What happens if you wear a jumpsuit and walk a dog at the same time? Well, tell me when you’re giving it a whirl and I’ll prepare myself for all wrongs being righted.

All this passes through my mind as I sit naked on the toilet, my jumpsuit crumpled in a puddle around my ankles. If only they could see me now. In the thin wedge of time between school and university, my neighbourhood friend and I would go to the one dedicated indie club in our nearby city. It was our cultural beacon. Who needed a whole scene when this one place catered to our desire for a taster of the rest of our lives? One such evening, she wore a particularly dinky floral playsuit. Blew the rest of us wearing elasticated jersey skirts and skinny jeans right out of the style water.

However, she needed my help on every toilet trip to zip out of it and back into it. As the boire du soir was a neon green pint for the low, low price of five pounds sterling, this happened a lot. Our conversation didn’t miss a beat as I turned to face the corner while she peed, only turning round when given the signal. I loved being entrusted with this duty, the intimacy of seeing the seams of the flowery fabric.

These days, I’m at the thicker end of the wedge. A fair few of my friendships have ended, including the one with my playsuited pal. Some are my fault. I still can’t write about them - and that’s on me. Most are mutual drifts. There’s no shared framework or language for friendships ending, whether dramatically or gradually, kindly or crossly. Or beginning, for that matter. When was the last time you asked a group of friends how they met and got a story in return with the same level of detail as a romantic couple? The expectations of friendship, though, they’re an unwritten constitution. Friendship is always enjoyable, effortless, eternal.

But everything has seams.